I am a Joe Palaia Republican

In what would have been his 99th year.

Joseph A. Palaia served for decades in the New Jersey Senate, where he was known for steadiness, decency and respect — on both sides of the aisle. He rose into leadership by earning trust and because he listened first.

He was kind. The son of immigrants. An educator. A fierce proponent of higher education. A proud family man. And a friend to all. He helped anyone who asked — not because it advanced his position, but because it was the responsibility of public service.

Senator Palaia went to nursery school with my grandpa. He was my mentor. He was my friend.

Somewhere in the ten years since he has passed — maybe even a little before — the country has turned politics into a hobby. Today it is akin to the way we follow sports — pick a team, put on the jersey, defend it at all costs. Red or blue. Win or lose. Loyalty above all else.

It wasn’t always like this. And for me, politics has never been a pastime — it’s been part of my life for as long as I can remember.

When I first got involved, party politics didn’t function as a rigid identity. On Main Street, you would have been hard-pressed to find people who could clearly articulate the ideological differences between the parties — and that wasn’t a weakness. It meant politics was still rooted in community, not performance or tribal warfare.

The rise of populism changed that. Politics became about choosing sides rather than solving problems. It demanded purity tests instead of judgment. It rewarded outrage over outcomes. And it taught us to treat disagreement not as a feature of democracy, but as a personal failing.

I’ve been campaigning for as long as I can remember. I ran for class office starting in fifth grade and was class president in high school and college — not because I loved politics, but because I loved service.

I ran my first real race in 1999, working for two candidates on the same ticket. They were wildly different men — not alike in temperament or background. They didn’t like each other. They were both Republicans.

They won because two very different constituencies supported them. One represented white, upper-middle-class America. The other was an African American law-enforcement voice. That experience shaped me more than any lecture or campaign manual ever could. Had I not lived that moment, my career — and my understanding of politics — would have taken a very different path.

This red-jersey, blue-jersey mentality is why the media — and too many political actors — try to force people into clean, narrow categories. But it doesn’t work that way. It never has. It certainly didn’t in the New Jersey Senate Joe Palaia helped lead, where governing required compromise and mutual respect — not ideological absolutism.

You can be a Republican and be pro-choice.
You can be pro-immigrant.
You can believe deeply in diversity, inclusion and difference.
You can reject cruelty without abandoning principle.

And if someone calls you a RINO for that, the problem isn’t your politics — it’s their understanding of party. The term itself is lazy and corrosive.

Joe Palaia would have been 99 this year. His birthday was February 3.

As I reflect on the things we struggle to understand in politics today, I do wonder what he would counsel. I’m certain he would urge us to remember that leadership isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. He would remind us that parties are not identities. And he would encourage us to be our own kind of Republican — grounded in service, capable of governing and proud of the work we do when no one is watching.

We miss you, Senator Joe.